NILMDTS this week

I wasn't sure how much I was going to blog about this or if I even should or not. But I've thought about it more and I'll share a little bit about it.

To answer a question that was posted, NILMDTS stands for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I've talked about the organization before on my blog so this may sound familiar.

Taken from the NILMDTS website:

"Pregnancy and birth are miraculous journeys. This amazing time of life is full of mystery, anticipation, joy, hope, and wonder. Feeling the powerful energy of birth and new life, watching as a new family is born unto each other. These things humble and amaze. These are the things that we celebrate when a baby is born."
"But there is another aspect of pregnancy and birth. There is an unexpected place in this journey where some families may find themselves. When a baby dies, a world is turned upside down. There is confusion, sadness, fear, and uncertainty that cannot be explained. There is sorrow where there should have been joy. During this time, it might be impossible for families to know what they might need in order to heal in the future."
"This is the place where the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation gently provides a helping hand and a healing heart. For families overcome by grief and pain, the idea of photographing their baby may not immediately occur to them. Offering gentle and beautiful photography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of this organization. The soft, gentle heirloom photographs of these beautiful babies are an important part of the healing process. They allow families to honor and cherish their babies, and share the spirits of their lives."


As a member of the organization, I'm available to my area and surrounding areas. But because Houston is home to the medical center, there are more calls coming from that part of town than other areas. So, several Houston photographers now have days that they are on-call for that area.

This week, I was on call two days, which means that I've made myself available to answer the phone if a call comes in and then to respond to the call. I received two calls.

The first call I received was for a baby that didn't make it. I don't know too much of the details about whether the end result was expected or a surprise or what. We headed out as soon as we could and started a small session for the parents. One of the hard parts is looking at the parents and not knowing what to say to them. There is nothing I can say that will fix anything that has happened or make them feel better. But then I don't want to seem heartless if I don't say anything. It's tough. I just can't even imagine what they were going through.

I received another call for the next day and this baby had been on life support for several days and the parents were having a real hard time with the whole situation. It seems like it's a given to say that a parent would have a hard time with this kind of situation, but that's not always the case, I've learned. But these parents were distraught and having a hard time. It was decided that they wanted to baptize him before taking him off life support that day. I was fine during both sessions about staying strong, but this day, when the mother started crying while holding her son, I started crying.

I don't know how the nurses and doctors do this all the time. I respect their job and ability to deal with it all. And my heart goes out to those parents in this time of grieving.

I realize my words and thoughts may seem all over the place but that's because it's hard to really know what to say about it.